Okay, here's the revised version. It's still a long way from being finished, but I feel that it's at least a stronger opening. What are your thoughts?
Alsa had never seen a star. Or the moons. Terrneo had too many layers of smog to allow for such wonders. But as the transport shuttle broke through the planet’s atmosphere and into the inky blackness of space, the glowing bodies surrounded her.
Under normal circumstances she would have been thrilled, but that particular day, or night since the sun was nowhere to be seen, she couldn’t summon up the strength to be excited about anything.
She simply took a deep breath and sighed, letting her breath form a little cloud on the window. Then, using her pinky finger, she traced a stick figure tree into the cloud.
“Why am I here?” she whispered to herself. Of course, she knew the answer. But severing the past was rarely simple, especially when you hadn’t been given a choice.