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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Then and Now

Hi, guys. First off, thanks to those of you who sent their well wishes yesterday. I took Small Child to the doctor today, and she didn't seem to think it was a brown widow (which I know we have at our house) or a brown recluse spider bite. That was quite a relief to me since we have both of those here in Florida. She said it could be anything though, and gave me a topical antibiotic as well as an oral one with instructions to come back if it gets worse. Let's hope it doesn't.

That said, I really don't have the motivation to do the blog post I had planned, so I'm doing a sort of "Then and Now" on my own work.

About a year ago, I wrote my first manuscript. I was proud I had actually completed one, but when I finished my second, the first seemed, well, pitiful by comparison. But I really loved the world, so my third manuscript is a massive rewrite of that first one. Even the names are different. Following is the opening section of that first manuscript, titled Lunarbor Summer. Let's see how my writing has changed in a year.

I sat on the shuttle gazing out the window at about a gazillion stars. Sandwiched between the planet below me and the moon above, I had a view few people ever saw. With all of the smog down on the planet, the people were lucky to get a glimpse of any stars, let alone this tapestry of little sequins glued onto the night sky.

I took a deep breath and sighed, letting my breath form a little cloud on the window. With my pinky finger, I traced a tree into that cloud.

I had already been in flight for several hours. In that time I had read two books, taken a nap, and counted the number of floor lights…twice. Now with nothing left to do that truly interested me, I let my thoughts take me away. I reflected back to the night that served as a catalyst bringing me to this moment.

Okay, there's a setting, but not a very clear one. There's no hint of the plot, not a clue about the mc's character, and to tell the truth, I don't think you can tell how she feels right now. She seems happy to see the stars, but then she sighs like she's depressed. Hmm. On Friday, we'll see if the new draft has improved.

2 comments:

Jen said...

Well hopefully the little one feels better soon and it goes away! Glad to hear it's not a spider bite!!

I think your little excerpt was great, I didn't get an excellent sense of what she was feeling, but I did get the feeling of wanting something to happen, she was waiting for it just like I was!

Crystal Cook said...

SO glad for you that it's not those awful spiders!! That's scary. We used to live in a basement apartment that was full of black widows. I was constantly on a bug hunt I swear!!

This is a very interesting post. I thought your writing was great, I want to know what's next. Now you've got me all intrigued for Friday :)

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