As part of The Writer's Voice competition, I am posting my query for Legasea, as well as the first 250 words of the manuscript.
Legasea
YA Mystery
67,000 words
Query:
When sixteen-year-old Aileen Shay sees a dead girl floating in the bay during a midnight yacht party, she never imagines her new boyfriend may be involved.
The only thing Aileen knows about Jamie Flannigan is that he personifies the one thing she has been drawn to her entire life – the ocean. But as she grows closer to him, she realizes he knows more about the murder than he's telling. He hides the fact that the girl in the bay was his cousin. And when the Flannigans refuse to cooperate with the police, then keep a vicious attack on Jamie's sister a secret, Aileen searches for answers with her childhood crush, Ian Glenn.
Aileen learns that Jamie's family belongs more to myths and legends than they do in the real world. They are selkies, and after they kidnap Aileen and threaten her family, Aileen suspects the Flannigans are responsible for all of the attacks.
But they aren't the only ones keeping secrets. Ian's father as well as Aileen's own grandmother have connections to the attacks. As Aileen uncovers the truth about the murder, the selkies, and her own family, she learns why her soul is bonded to the sea. But with that revelation comes a choice – to permanently sever her connection with the water, which comes at a painful cost, or embrace a legacy that just might get her killed.
First 250:
The moment I stepped onto the boat, I was breaking my mom's number one rule: Never go into the water without parental supervision. But that rule was old, ancient. Would one tiny crack even be noticed?
And more importantly, could a party on a 100 foot yacht be considered breaking the rule? It was more like a party on a private island. Safe as houses, my grandma would say.
Ian stood on the deck with his arm stretched out to me. Mae dug her sharp elbow into my ribs, nudging me toward him. “Come on, Aye. No one's gonna see you out there.”
It was true. The water was black and calm, no light for miles. No one was around to spot me. No one would tell my mom. Even the moon complied by sliding behind a dark cloud.
I still didn't move.
As if sensing my reluctance, the water decided to play devil's advocate. The gentle waves rocked the boat up and down, the motion beckoning me, pleading with me to step off the dock.
“Aileen?” Mae jiggled my arm.
“What? Oh.” While I stood there being the indecisive queen of the world, everyone else had climbed on board. Kids were plunking drinks into coolers, seeking out private places to...ya know, and untying the ropes so they could cast off.
Mae would never let the party leave without her. Thirty more seconds and she would get everyone to join in a rousing chorus of “Come on, Eileen,” a song she'd learned from my dad.
*To see more of my writing, check out the short story blog I share with two other authors: http://fictionfemmefatale.blogspot.com/ We take submissions.*
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51 comments:
Good luck! #RebelLove
Thanks! You too!
Yay for mysteries! This sounds great. Good luck!
-Sarah #146
Hi Krystey, I'm stopping by from the Writer's Voice Contest to wish you the best of luck!
Best of luck!
And the ending brought 80's flashback with the song reference :) Although apparently Sugarland and Sara Bareilles have done a cover...
Although I doubt they'll ever go so far as to wear the Oshkosh overalls (often worn in the 80's with one strap hanging down for some reason I never discerned).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5NkgXSfWj8
There were many 80s fashions that would have been just as well never to have been seen.
Good luck Krystey! I like the way the query turned out!
Thanks! Yours sounds fun too. Good luck!
Thanks for your help!
He he. I gotta sneak the 80's in there somewhere. =)
Thanks! I appreciate the support!
Best of luck with your entry Krystey. The 80's were great: shoulder pads, awesomely big hair, Dallas and Dynasty, Airwolf and the A-Team. You gotta love it! :)
LOL I have to say, I never wore the big shoulder pads. My shoulders were too small, and the pads ended up somewhere around my biceps. I will admit to the big hair. =)
The entry looks great! Love the Irish flavor. Good luck in the contest!
Good luck, Krystey! The story is still good, no matter how many times I read it! Good luck!
The title of your book made me laugh! (I love puns.) Also, my own manuscript being set underwater, I love the sea, and I feel so bad for Aileen that she might have to wrench herself away from it. Nice job, and good luck!
SC (#159)
Thanks! I love that you picked up on that. Aileen's grandparents are actually from Ireland.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. =) How do you like the new query?
He he. The title makes me smile too. Having grown up near the ocean, I have a bit of a tie to it myself.
Good luck!
Great opening in your query! I am intrigued!
Andrea #32
This is really intriguing, and the query is really straightforward. Best of luck!
This sounds delightfully creepy. Good luck!
Krys, this sounds so cool! It's definitely unique, and is something I'd love to read! GOOD LUCK!!!
I like it! I think it sums it up well and is intriguing! Good job:)
Love the title! :) Good luck!
Thanks!
Thanks! I think my file for that query is about six pages long. Glad to know I at least got the opening right. :)
Thanks! I'm glad you like it!
He he. Magic. Murder. All sorts of wonderful things!
Thanks, Stef. If you ever do want to read it, just shoot me an email.
Thanks! I think this is my favorite title of anything I've written.
Ohh, I don't see a lot of YA mysteries! Cool premise, and I love the title, too! Best of luck :-)
Ashley #78
Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for the compliments!
Nicely done Krysteybelle, always great to see how others put thier submissions together.
Oh, sounds good! Good luck!
~Nicole, entry 68
Lots of mysteries to uncover. Intriguing.
Good luck.
your writing is lovely. best of luck to you!
Great premise and love the MC's voice. I'd love to read more. Great entry! Good luck.
Thank you for your comment on my entry #142, THE PACKING HOUSE.
This sounds intriguing. Good luck!
Like your first page! I felt almost anxious waiting on her to make up her mind.
Good luck!
Brandi #199
I like the first 250! My students (I teach 8th grade) are always asking me for mysteries. We need more of them! Good luck.
Leslie #116
Thanks for reading!
Thanks!
That's the idea. =) Glad you liked it!
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks. Aileen definitely has a lot in store for her.
Thank you so much!
You're welcome. I tried to cover as many as I could. Thanks for reading!
I love selkies. :)
Just stopped by from Dianne's blog to say congrats on being blitzed!
I am intrigued! I wish you luck with this novel ;)
Actually found you through the 'tall tales' blog - I followed the links to a few people who entered the competition, as I am newly blogging, seeking to make connections with other YA writers! I have followed you ;)
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